It happened 6 years ago, I was 42. A decision was made. I was ready to take the plunge. I was tired of covering up. I was longing to be what I was meant to be, both inside and out. The cry for authenticity came from deep within. I strongly felt like shedding everything that wasn’t truly me.
I had always had long dark hair, and I was so desperate to keep it that way. The truth was that the dark brown had turned grey a long time ago, it started turning gray in my late teens. It felt ridiculous to continue another 20 years of dye.
I had 7 children, and the oldest 3 were in their late teens.
Obviously, time has passed, I’ve grown older and wiser and I’ve earned a crown of glory that had been dyed over, time and time again.
How sad that instead of celebrating what time has done in our lives, instead of appreciating the beauty that can only be earned by time, we try to stay stuck in the past, in our youth. Was I happier then? Was I more beautiful then? Would I want to go back there? No, no, and no.
I had an epiphany. Why in the world do I want to look like I’m in my twenties?
I’m not. I’m still young looking, but I’m in my forties now. Why would I not want to look my age? What is so bad about that? I felt rebellious. I felt like I want to rebel against anything that inauthentic.
Long story short, I went to my stylist and I explained to her that I would like to stop dyeing my hair and I’d like to grow my greys out.
She was awesome and very helpful. We decided on a bob that was chin length. She lifted the dark hair colour in three appointments, and after that, we regularly trimmed the fake colour off to get to my real hair.
While removing the old dye made the skunk line not so visible, it did drag out the process. I was sooo impatient, I just couldn’t wait to see the real me. It felt like it was going to take forever and I was never going to get there.But I did. It took about 2 years and I was fully transitioned. It was absolutely thrilling. I felt so free!
In the grocery store, I just love to pass the aisle with the hair dyes, and feel so thrilled I am done spending my time and money looking for the perfect colour every 2 or 3 weeks.I had the perfect colour all along.
At first, I started to get the stares. I had people walking up to me, asking me if my hair was real. I had women coming up to me asking me who my stylist was because they wanted the same unique colour. I live in a very small town in Montana, and now that a few years have passed, I see women my age that stopped dyeing their hair and it is wonderful to see!
For me, deciding to go grey was the outward manifestation of deciding to be real. I made some other, heart wrenching, difficult decisions at the same time. I cut ties with people and places that have not been serving me. Ties that were not authentic and honest, but damaging and unhealthy. These past few years were simultaneously the most difficult, most scary, most rewarding, and most freeing of all.
I’m a new person now, and now more than ever my outer life is a reflection of my inner life.
I still remember how very scary the concept of grey hair was to me. It was absolutely terrifying. I was so scared that I would look like a witch…one of those on a broomstick. I was horrified. Looking back now, it seems funny how exaggerated those fears were. The thing that really helped was browsing pictures of other brave women who took the step and let their silver shine. I truly appreciate the beautiful sisterhoodI found on this journey.
I love being part of changing the world by changing the way we women look at ourselves. I love promoting the beauty of ageing. I love wisdom of the sages. Who knew that our real beauty is only acquired through time and that grey hair is a crown of glory?
~Gabriella F.
