A VISION FOR YOU
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship, and colorful imagination. Itmeans release from care, boredom, and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends, and a feelingthat life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures weregone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. Therewas an insistent yearning to enjoy as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some newmiracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt - and one morefailure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we becamesubjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is lonelinesssettled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hopingto find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did - then would comeoblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsem*n - Terror, Bewilderment,Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who see this page will understand!
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better.Work better. Having a better time." As ex-alcoholics, we smile at such a sally. We know ourfriend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly hewould give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try theold game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol.Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will knowloneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
We have shown you how we got out from under. You say: "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to beconsigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? Iknow I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"
Yes, there is a substitute, and it is vastly more than that. It is a Fellowship in AlcoholicsAnonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination willbe fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.Thus we find The Fellowship, and so will you.
"How is that to come about?" you say. "Where am I to find these people?"
You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you alcoholics are dyinghelplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. These areto be your companions. High and low, rich and poor, these are future Fellows of AlcoholicsAnonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with newand wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder toshoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself, thatothers may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor asthyself."
It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more.How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is thatsince these things have happened among us, they can happen again. Should you wish themabove all else, and should you be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they willcome. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!
Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeateddrinkers will seize upon it, following its directions. Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet andmarch on. They will approach still other sick ones and so the Fellowship of AlcoholicsAnonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out.
In the chapter "Working With Others" you gathered an idea of how to approach and aid othersto health. Suppose now that through you several families have adopted your way of life. You willwant to know more of how to proceed from that point. Perhaps the best way of treating you toa glimpse of your future will be to describe the growth of the Fellowship among us. Here is abrief account:
Nearly four years ago, one of our number made a journey to a certain western city. From thebusiness standpoint, his trip came off badly. Had he been successful in his enterprise, he wouldhave been set on his feet financially, which, at the time, seemed vitally important. But his venturewound up in a law suit and bogged down completely. The proceding~ was shot through withmuch hard feeling and controversy.
Bitterly discouraged, he found himself in a strange place, discredited and almost broke. Stillphysically weak, and sober but a few months, he saw that his predicament was dangerous. Hewanted so much to talk with someone, but whom?
One dismal afternoon he paced a hotel lobby wondering how his bill was to be paid. At one endof the room stood a glass covered directory of local churches. Down the lobby a door openedinto an attractive bar. He could see the gay crowd inside. In there he would find companionshipand release. Unless he took some drinks, he might not have the courage to scrape anacquaintance, and would have a lonely week-end.
Of course, he couldn't drink, but why not sit hopefully at a table, a bottle of ginger ale beforehim? Then after all, had he not been sober six months now? Perhaps he could handle, say, threedrinks - no more! Fear gripped him. He was on thin ice. Again it was the old, insidious insanity- that first drink. With a shiver, he turned away and walked down the lobby to the churchdirectory. Music and gay chatter still floated to him from the bar.
But what about his responsibilities - his family and the men who would die because they wouldnot know how to get well, ah - yes, those other alcoholics? There must be many such in thistown. He would phone a clergyman. His sanity returned, and he thanked God. Selecting achurch at random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver.
Little could he foresee what that simple decision was to mean. How could anyone guess that lifeand happiness for many was to depend on whether one depressed man entered a phone boothor a bar? His call to the clergyman led him presently to a certain resident of the town, who,though formerly able and respected, was then nearing the nadir of alcoholic despair. It was theusual situation: home in jeopardy, wife ill, children distracted, bills in arrears, and reputationdamaged. He had a desperate desire to stop, but saw no way out; for he had earnestly triedmany avenues of escape. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fullyrealize what it means to be alcoholic.
When our friend told his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he mightmuster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutelynecessary, but the price seemed high upon the basis suggested. He told how he lived in constantworry about creditors and others who might find out about his alcoholism. He had, of course,the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. Why, he argued, should he losethe remainder of his business, so bringing still more suffering to his family, by foolishly admittinghis plight to his creditors and those from whom he made his livelihood? He would do anything,he said, but that.
Being intrigued, however, he invited our friend to his home. Some time later, and just as hethought he was getting control of his liquor situation, he went on a roaring bender. For him, thiswas the spree that ended all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely,that God might give him mastery.
One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his troublehad been. He found himself surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of hisdrinking. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as hewent about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business.
At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since. As we shallsee, he now means a great deal to his community, and the major liabilities of thirty years of harddrinking have been repaired in less than four.
But life was not easy for the two friends. Plenty of difficulties presented themselves. Both sawthat they must keep spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital.They explained their need and inquired if she had a first class alcoholic prospect.
She replied, "Yes, we've got a corker. He's just beaten up a couple of nurses. Goes off his headcompletely when drinking. But he's a grand chap when sober though he's been in here six timesin the last four months. Understand he was once a well-known lawyer in town, but just nowwe've got him strapped down tight."
Here was a prospect all right, but, by the description, none too promising. The use of spiritualprinciples in such cases was not so well understood as it is now. But one of the friends said, "Puthim in a private room. We'll be down."
Two days later, a future Fellow of Alcoholics Anonymous stared glassily at the strangers besidehis bed. "Who are you fellows, and why this private room? I was always in a ward before."
Said one of the visitors, "We're giving you a treatment for alcoholism."
Hopelessness was written large on the man's face as he replied: "Oh, but that's no use. Nothingwould fix me. I'm a goner. The last three times, I got drunk on the way home from here. I'mafraid to go out the door. I can't understand it."
For an hour, the two friends told him about their drinking experiences. Over and over, he wouldsay: "That's me. That's me. I drink like that."
The man in the bed was told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how it deterioratesthe body of an alcoholic and warps his mind. There was much talk about the mental statepreceding the first drink.
"Yes, that's me," said the sick man, "the very image. You fellows know your stuff all right, but Idon't see what good it'll do. You fellows are somebody. I was once, but I'm a nobody now.From what you tell me, I know more than ever I can't stop." At this both the visitors burst into alaugh. Said the future Fellow Anonymous: "Damn little to laugh about that I can see."
The two friends spoke of their spiritual experience and told him about the course of action theycarried out.
He interrupted: "I used to be strong for the church, but that won't fix it. I've prayed to God onhangover mornings and sworn that I'd never touch another drop, but by nine oclock I'd beboiled as an owl."
Next day found the prospect more receptive. He had been thinking it over. "Maybe you'reright," he said. "God ought to be able to do anything." Then he added, "He sure didn't do muchfor me when I was trying to fight this booze racket alone."
On the third day the lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his Creator, and said he wasperfectly willing to do anything necessary. His wife came, scarcely daring to be hopeful, but shethought she saw something different about her husband already. He had begun to have a spiritualexperience.
That afternoon he put on his clothes and walked from the hospital a free man. He entered apolitical campaign, making speeches, frequenting men's gathering places of all sorts, often stayingup all night. He lost the race by only a narrow margin. But he had found God - and in findingGod had found himself.
That was in June, 1935. He never drank again. He too, has become a respected and usefulmember of his community. He has helped other men recover, and is a power in the church fromwhich he was long absent.
So, you see, there were three alcoholics in that town, who now felt they had to give to otherswhat they had found, or be sunk. After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. Hecame through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. He proved to be a devil-may-care young fellow whose parents could not make out whether he wanted to stop drinking or not.They were deeply religious people, much shocked by their son's refusal to have anything to dowith the church. He suffered horribly from his sprees, but it seemed as if nothing could be donefor him. He consented, however, to go to the hospital, where he occupied the very roomrecently vacated by the lawyer.
He had three visitors. After a bit, he said: "The way you fellows put this spiritual stuff makessense. I'm ready to do business. I guess the old folks were right after all." So one more wasadded to the Fellowship.
All this time our friend of the hotel lobby incident remained in that town. He was there threemonths. He now returned home, leaving behind his first acquaintance, the lawyer, and the devil-may-care chap. These men had found something brand new in life. Though they knew they musthelp other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It wastranscended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others. They shared theirhomes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare hours to fellow-sufferers. Theywere willing, by day or night, to place a new man in the hospital and visit him afterward. Theygrew in numbers. They experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases, they made aneffort to bring the man's family into a new way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering.
A year and sic~ months later these three had succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of eachother, scarce an evening passed that someone's home did not shelter a little gathering of men andwomen, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery tosome newcomer. In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart onenight a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way oflife. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object was to provide a time and placewhere new people might bring their problems.
Outsiders became interested. One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal ofthis strangely assorted crowd. This couple has since become so fascinated that they havededicated their home to the work. Many a distracted wife has visited this house to find lovingand understanding companionship among women who knew their problem, to hear from the lipsof men like their husbands what had happened to them, to be advised how her own waywardmate might be hospitalized and approached when next he stumbled.
Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of thathome into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. Hesuccumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their misfortune and understood him.Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely, when, later, in anupper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied withhis own. The expression on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of themen, the stimulating and electric atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that herewas haven at last.
The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, theinformality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had wereirresistable. He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do forsome stricken acquaintance and his family. They knew they had a host of new friends; it seemedthey had known these strangers always. They had seen miracles, and one was to come to them.They had visioned The Great Reality - their loving and All Powerful Creator.
Now, this house will hardly accommodate its weekly visitors, for they number sixty or eighty asa rule. Alcoholics are being attracted from far and near. From surrounding towns, families drivelong distances to be present. A community thirty miles away has fifteen Fellows of AlcoholicsAnonymous. Being a large place, we think that some day its Fellowship will number manyhundreds.
But life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than attending meetings and visiting hospitals.Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son to hisirate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other, when justified - these areeveryday occurrences. No one is too discredited, nor has sunk too low to be welcomedcordially - if he means business. Social distinctions, petty rivalries and jealousies - these arelaughed out of countenance. Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united underone God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter somuch to some people no longer signify much to them. How could they?
Under only slightly different conditions, the same thing is taking place in several eastern cities. Inone of these there is a well-known hospital for the treatment of alcoholic and drug addiction.Four years ago one of our number was a patient there. Many of us have felt, for the first time,the Presence and Power of God within its walls. We are greatly indebted to the doctor inattendance there, for he, although it might prejudice his own work, has told us his belief in ourwork.
Every few days this doctor suggests our approach to one of his patients. Understanding ourwork, he can do this with an eye to selecting those who are willing and able to recover on aspiritual basis. Many of us, former patients, go there to help. Then, in this eastern city, there areinformal meetings such as we have described to you, where you may see thirty or forty, there arethe same fast friendships, there is the same helpfulness to one another as you find among ourwestern friends. There is a good bit of travel between East and West and we foresee a greatincrease in this helpful interchange.
Some day we hope that every alcoholic who journeys will find a Fellowship of AlcoholicsAnonymous at his destination. To some extent this is already true. Some of us are salesmen andgo about. Little clusters of twos and threes and fives of us have sprung up in other communities,through contact with our two larger centers. Those of us who travel drop in as often as we can.This practice enables us to lend a hand, at the same time avoiding certain alluring distractions ofthe road, about which any traveling man can inform you.
Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. Webelieve and hope it contains all you will need to begin.
We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: "I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't dothat." But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power so much greaterthan yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter ofwillingness, patience and labor.
We know a former alcoholic who was living alone in a large community. He had lived there but afew weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square milethan any city in the country. This was only a few days ago at this writing. The authorities weremuch concerned. He got in touch with a prominent psychiatrist who has undertaken certainresponsibilities for the mental health of the community. The doctor proved to be able andexceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling the situation. Agreeing withmany competent and informed physicians,he said he could do little or nothing for the averagealcoholic. So, he inquired, what did our friend have on-the ball?
Our friend proceeded to tell him. And with such good effect that the doctor agreed to a testamong his patients and certain other alcoholics from a clinic which he attends. Arrangementswere also made with the chief psychiatrist of a large public hospital to select still others from thestream of misery which flows through that institution.
So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps neverget up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of those approached will becomeFellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves, andhave discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping untileveryone in that town has has~ his opportunity to recover - if he can and will.
Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book." Wecannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is alwaysupon Him. He will show you how to create the Fellowship you crave.*
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantlydisclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each dayfor the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviouslyyou cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right,and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and and~ your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find, and joinus. We shall be with you, in the Fellowship of The Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us asyou trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you - until then.
* See appendix - The Alcoholic Foundation. It may be we shall be able to carry on a limited correspondence.
